The three worst horror films you could possibly watch

When it comes to watching a film there is always the risk of wasting irreversibly your time. More specifically, when it comes to watching a horror film that risk increases like crazy. I have the marketing techniques to blame. You watch a suspenseful trailer, read a thrilling plot and see well-known actors star in those movies and you just get carried away. You naively fall into the trap of preparing yourself for an exciting horror movie-night, and in the end you find yourself throwing things at the screen – if you have managed to stay awake.

To save you from any disappointment like that, I will give you my idea of really bad, so-called, horror films that if you are lucky enough not to have watched yet, you should definitely avoid them and find something better to do, like knit a sweater.

With no shame, I admit that I have fallen into the famous-actors marketing trap. Ethan HawkeWillem Dafoe and Sam Neill are respectable enough to drive me into watching Daybreakers.

 

Daybreakers

 is a horror film, at least that is what it claims to be, about a Vampire Apocalypse. In year 2019, an epidemic spread out turning every human into vampires. But unlike any other Apocalypse-like film, chaos has spread out, but more elegantly as there are some very well-established vampires. Businessmen living in their high-tech mansions, managing large companies drinking their blood-coffee – no I am not exaggerating, there is an actual scene where the vampire-businessman pours sugar into a cup of blood, because apparently that’s his morning coffee – is something new to the Vampire horror film genre.

But new doesn’t necessarily mean good. Ethan Hawke, during the entire film, struggles to come up with a solution to save humankind given that the world is starting to run low on blood supplies.

From Vampire Apocalypse, I will take you to Vampire/Zombie Apocalypse.

In the film Against the Dark , a world epidemic has turned humans into vampire-zombies – how awesome is that?! Not at all, given that this super-strong kind gets slaughtered by an all-time classic super hero that is  Steven Seagal. Yes, I was also surprised to see that he stars in that film. He could not play any other role , but the kick-ass hero who patrols the streets and destroys every vampire-zombie creature that comes his way. I still can’t get his first lines out of my mind, as the most irrelevant, awkward and weird lines that he could possibly have.

In the first fifteen minutes of Against the Dark , the viewer can see a little boy trying to run away from a group of vampire-zombies who are chasing him to feed on him. All of a sudden,  Steven Seagal and his squad show up to rescue the little boy. He starts slicing up the zombies with a machete and he manages to destroy them all. After that, his first lines blew my mind away : “Let’s get this boy out of here, take him to a safe place.We are not here to decide who’s right or wrong. We are here do decide who lives and dies.” And bamm!!That’s the moment when I officially realised what a gigantic flop this film would be.

From Vampires to Zombies, now, how about we talk about some mutated, monster-like cannibals in the woods? Makes sense.

A really dreadful, sort of funny, horror film that strangely has had five sequels is Wrong Turn.

Wrong Turn, and its follow ups, is a horror movie about cannibalistic disfigured men living isolated from the rest of the world somewhere in the middle of the woods. The whole blood-fest begins when some really unfortunate travellers happened to pass by their territory. They get kidnapped, tortured, molested, mutilated and eventually they become the cannibals’ supper. There are of course some survivors, for suspense’s sake, but apparently the cannibals have set up traps everywhere so there is basically no chance of escaping.

It is a rather splatter horror film, which relies its plot on tons of gallons of blood and human flesh. That alone, can’t be a very strong sign of a good horror film.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Read in Reviews

    Sinister Review

  • Read in Commentary

    Five horror films you must not miss

%d bloggers like this: